A Few New Rules for Interacting with a Twin Caregiver

I hear a lot from other (usually young) mums how they would love to have twins. I laugh. I snicker.

Because, I know what they're thinking... Two babies, how sweet! Two cute little bums, awwww! Dressing them alike, how adorable!

But, I know the reality... Two babies, crying in the night. Two little bums, that get bigger and smellier every day. Dressing them alike, umm no. I get them confused enough as it is!

So the next time you see someone with twins, think before approaching ...

• How is their day going? Looks bad? Then don't ask, just help.
• Do they look tired? Get them a coffee or a glass of wine. Take a kid.
• Have they had to run after one while leaving another with another mum and sprint across meters to just catch the other by the arm today? Be that other mum.
• How many tantrums has your kid had today?.. Double that.
• How many times have you told your child 'no' today? Well triple that. Chances are one child gets told no, the other sees the attention the first twin is getting and tries it to get a reaction by doing the same exact thing and gets told no, first child does it again to see if it's just a random occurrence, or if he can get three out of three. His odds are good.
• How many pairs of socks has the twin mum had to pick up this morning? How many raisins or pieces of popcorn has the dog eaten? Too many.
• Is mum wearing makeup? A normal amount, she may be approachable. None, or WAY too much to cover the bags and dark circles under her eyes, do not approach, I REPEAT, DO NOT APPROACH.
• Never, ever say (men, you are the worst offenders of this) "Looks like you've got your hands full!" Let me just answer in a way that my mother used to answer those puzzling but obvious questions by say... No Shit Sherlock. Seriously? Smile and nod, smile and nod.

Ok. Now that's done, let me apologise. It's been a long couple of weeks and sometimes I just need to rant. Any other twin or non-twin parent will probably understand. All of this always happens within moments of each other, within an hour of going shopping or having not enough sleep.

I guess the important lesson here is don't feel like you have to chat to everyone that makes comments about those amazing bundles of joy sitting in the pram. There will be those days when you can't be bothered, the day has gone to shit, dinner isn't cooked, one kid will not sit in the pram without screaming and you just realised you haven't brushed your teeth. But then, amazingly there will be the days when you can't help but chatting up the elderly neighbour about how awesome these beasts are! It does happen! And it's that little pat on the back that can keep you going.

So, if I smile and nod at you, don't take it personally. Some days we just need to keep moving on...

X

 

 

Post Natal Depression. Or maybe not...

Depression sucks.

On and off for years, I have dealt with depression. I think it began around puberty and was probably triggered by the divorce of my folks. Eventually, I was able to get the support I needed, therapy, meds, support groups, the church I grew up with.. It was manageable.

When I found out I was pregnant, Post Natal Depression was something that I felt I needed to find out about. And with the news we were having twins, I expected it. What happened was slightly different. I felt like I had prepared myself for the worst and for the first few months, it wasn't that bad. Living with the lack of sleep was probably the worst bit. It wasn't quite depression, but maybe just being overwhelmed. First time parenting is enough to make you go nuts, let alone the task times two.

But it took a couple of months before the depression kicked in. The usual feelings, sad, crying, second guessing myself in my newly acquired role as parent to two lovely baby boys. In my mind I just kept telling myself that this was how it was going to be. They would start crying and I would start crying. This horrible feeling of hopelessness and despair started to kick in every morning upon waking. I knew it was time to go talk to someone. I headed to the GP and relayed the details. Yep, sounds like good old Post Natal Depression. Of course it is. Anti-depressants, referrals for parenting groups to chat about your feelings, pamphlets. All the goodies.

So, I was back on meds like the old days and everything seemed to be going well.

Then after a few months of being on meds, it all turned to custard. It seemed to have gotten much worse than before. So we upped the dose, 50mg a day to 100mg. So not just upped, but doubled. By this time, I had my period back as well.

A few weeks later, back down to dread and tiredness and crying. Back to the GP I went. This time, I was seen by someone different as the usual doctors were on holiday. This one suggested a blood test. Hmmm. Ok. It was to check a few different things to rule out other causes. Fair enough...

A couple of days later I get a voicemail from the GP. There was a script at the desk waiting for me and I should get started on it as soon as possible. Your iron levels are low.

So it turns out, my body was not storing iron properly. And out of a normal scale from 18-160, I was at 12.

Within an hour of taking this new medication, I felt like a new person! I was happy, smiling, I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I had enough energy to play on the floor with the boys, and get my head around every situation and dilemma. I was back to myself, and maybe a bit better!

So now, I wonder about the state of my depression. Is what I felt PND? Or just the effects of loosing a lot of blood due to giving birth? I've only read a few things that say the two, PND and iron deficiency, may be related, but nothing concrete.

Sadly, I think GPs are too quick to say "PND" and just get you medicated. I won't be ranting on about pharmaceutical companies or anything here, but it might be worth a second look. Considering how much blood and nutrients leave your body during birth, I'm surprised that they don't check everyone! I also think once a new starts getting her period again, she should get checked.

I know from my experience, once I started getting my period again, it was heavier than it used to be. I figured it was normal, considering my uterus had been stretched to the size of Milwaukee.

Obviously, this has been my experience and it may not happen often to other new mums, but it's worth a second look. Now that I'm on my iron medication, my level is at 23. Not great, still low, but better. It's manageable again.

I said to someone recently, "This is, hands down, THE hardest job I have ever had. And I've had some shit bosses, but these two are so demanding and cranky!"

Luckily, I'm definitely not in it for the money!

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